Leading with Values: A Guide to Authentic Decision-Making
How reflecting on our values and personal moral compass can help in making tough life choices.
Decision making is part of daily life. Shall I hit snooze on my alarm? What should I have for breakfast? What should I wear to work? Sometimes we must weigh up harder options: Should I remain in this relationship? Should I make this career change? Can I forgive this person?
When it comes to making decisions, whether big or small, our values and moral compass play a crucial role in guiding us toward choices that align with who we are at our core. These internal principles act as a compass, helping us navigate life’s complex landscape, remaining true to ourselves, even when faced with difficult or uncertain situations.
Our values are the beliefs and ideals that we hold dear. They are influenced by our upbringing and experience. They shape how we view the world, impact our relationships, and can determine how we respond to challenges. For instance, someone who values honesty might choose to speak the truth even when it’s uncomfortable, while someone who values compassion might prioritise helping others in times of need. A person that values boundaries may not answer work emails at the weekend.
A strong moral compass, on the other hand, helps us weigh up our choices against ethical standards. It ensures we act in ways that are consistent with our integrity and personal code of conduct. When we make decisions that align with both our values and moral compass, we feel a sense of authenticity and fulfilment, which boosts our overall mental well-being.
However, it’s important to remember that our values can sometimes come into conflict. Taking the time to pause and reflect on what truly matters to us can help clarify the best course of action. Counselling can offer a safe space to explore and reflect on values, honestly without fear of judgement. By understanding what drives us, we can make decisions that align with our moral compass, promoting growth, autonomy, self-connection and remain true to ourselves.
Top Tips for Staying True to Your Values
🌱 1. Clarify your core values
Before you can use your values in decision-making, you need to know what they are.
Take time to reflect: What do I stand for? What matters most to me?
Try values clarification exercises (e.g., choose 10 values from a list, then narrow to 5). Your values might include things like honesty, growth, kindness, freedom, or connection.
Ask yourself: What qualities do I admire in others? When have I felt proud of myself? What do I want to be remembered for?
⏳ 2. Slow down
In the rush of life, it's easy to make reactive choices. Snap decisions often bypass our values. Slowing down helps you tune into what truly matters.
It is most likely you don’t have to make the decision immediately, give yourself twenty-four hours or as long as you need before making a major decision.
Avoid making big decisions when you are tired or hungry, sometimes it’s best to sleep on it and things might look clearer in the morning.
Ask: Is this aligned with who I want to be — not just what I want right now?
🧭 3. Use your values as your inner compass
When faced with a choice, pause and ask:
Does this align with my top values? Will this decision bring me closer to the kind of person I want to be? This helps shift focus from what feels easiest now to what will feel right long-term.
Check in with yourself: Am I choosing based on fear, guilt, or people-pleasing tendencies?
⚖️ 4. Weigh up short-term comfort vs. long-term integrity
Staying true to your values isn’t always easy. It can mean saying no, setting boundaries, or making unpopular choices.
Some choices challenge our values for the sake of convenience, approval, or avoidance. Ask: Am I sacrificing a core value to avoid discomfort?
💬 5. Talk it out (with yourself or a trusted person)
Sometimes clarity comes through conversation.
Journaling or speaking with a counsellor can help tease out unconscious values and motives.
Reflect on internal conflict - often it’s two values in tension (e.g., honesty vs. compassion).
🪞6. Reflect when you feel torn
Often, inner conflict means two values are in tension — like honesty vs. kindness, or independence vs. connection.
Write or talk it out: What values are pulling me in different directions?
Look for a decision that honours both as much as possible — or choose the one that reflects your highest priority in this moment.
🕊️7. Make peace with imperfection
No one lives 100% in alignment all the time. It’s a journey, not a checklist. Practice, reflect and adjust.
After making a choice, reflect without judgment: Did this choice feel aligned? What can I learn?
Use each decision as a chance to practice living more fully from your values.
Over time, you’ll build a stronger connection to your values-based “gut instinct.”
